When we’re wrestling with something emotional, people often rush in with advice.
“You need to let it go.”
“I’d tell them exactly what I think.”
“If I were you, I’d walk away.”
Usually, it comes from a good place. Sometimes it even comes with tea, biscuits and the confidence of someone who has solved your entire life before you’ve finished explaining it.
Why Advice Isn’t Always Helpful
But advice on emotional issues can be unhelpful because it is shaped by the other person’s experiences, fears, values and unfinished business.
They aren’t standing where you’re standing.
They may recognise the scenery, but they haven’t walked your road.
When we accept advice too quickly, we can end up making someone else’s decision. It might quieten the noise for a while, but it doesn’t necessarily help us understand what we feel, what matters to us, or what we’re really afraid of.
And that understanding matters.
Finding Space to Hear Ourselves Think
Because emotional problems are rarely fixed by being told what to do. They’re more often untangled by having enough space to hear ourselves think.
That doesn’t mean we should shut people out. Other perspectives can be incredibly useful. But perhaps a better gift isn’t an answer.
Perhaps it’s a thoughtful question.
“What feels most difficult about this?”
“What do you need right now?”
“What would feel right for you?”
Good Support Doesn’t Grab the Steering Wheel
Good support doesn’t grab the steering wheel.
It sits beside us while we work out which road we want to take.
Sometimes the most helpful thing anyone can say is:
“I’m not going to tell you what to do. But I’ll help you listen to yourself.”
One step at a time.
